What We've Got

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Dream Weaver

What is it about dreams that can make or break a day.

Honestly I have never had one that made my day. I can not remember one dream I have had that I have woken up and felt like it was a fun or happy dream.

My psyche must just be dark and gruesome because i really only have dreams that I guess would be considered nightmares.

Some dreams i wake up from and i am scared.

Some I wake up from and I am MAD. Dale hates when I have these dreams because the anger is usually directed at him and although I know its just a dream for some reason my logic brain cant take over enough to make me not mad at dale for the rest of the day. I don't get REALLY mad at him but sometime i just feel a little twinge of anger come out at me through out the day. its so strange.

Some dreams I wake up from sad. Like one I had last week. I wont repeat it but i woke up crying and couldn't stop crying for almost a half hour.  And I had one related it that dream last night. I didn't cry but i haven't been able to shake the images from my mind.

Do dreams affect other people like this or is it just my weak emotions that take dreams and turn them into something they shouldn't? I have had these kind of dreams since I was around 6 yrs old. The first dream i could remember was a bad one and it was a recurring dream for at least 3 years.

I HATED it.

I always wondered what it would be like to have a happy dream. Be Cinderella for a night. Man, that princess was full of crap.

The dreams I have had lately I have tried to pin them on the "weird pregnancy dreams" rule but to be be honest they aren't totally different than what I experience on a normal basis.

Maybe I should just buy a dream catcher and see if that does anything.

In a Million Years

Never in a million years did I see myself with Daughters.

Boys were all I knew.

If you knew me anytime before high school, you know what I am talking about.

Tomboy to the extreme.

I always swore that when I got married I only wanted boys. No girls for me. I knew that it wasn't really up to me but i couldn't help but wish. 

Girls terrified me. Literally. When I found out that Bug was of the female variety I was TERRIFIED. I don't think I told one person, even Dale.

My thoughts were something along the line of:

I cant raise this child to be a confident woman when I have no confidence as a woman myself. I can fake it but its not there. I wont be able to dress her fashionably. I wont be able to do her hair. or teach her how to do her hair. I wont be able to show her the affection a little girl needs.

I was full of doubts. Lots and lots of doubts.

Dale says I jinxed us. That we will only ever have girls because of my wishes. haha

Maybe that's true. They sure are cute though aren't they??

Seriously.

My fears have been subdued. I love my girls and as they have grown and as I grow to know them better, bit by bit, things become a little clearer to me.

The funny thing is, i know we make cute girls but if someone had told me 6 years ago that I would get 3 offers in one month from families with 3 kids or more, have all boys and all are pregnant and due before the end of the year, that if we have a girl (which apparently is likely) and they have their boys, that we should switch.

 None of them serious of course but hilarious none the less! 3 people offering up their children to switch!

I cant get over it!