Stressful

You know what is SO stressful for me? Having to call people who you pay for services such as cable and telling them you no longer want to give them your money. I go into a cold sweat every time.

So nervous.

I don't know why it bothers me so much when it doesn't phase other people in the slightest.

Even talking on the phone with people I am comfortable talking face to face to gets me nervous. Talking with anyone but my immediate family on the phone makes me nervous like this.

Its ridiculous.

I am ALMOST one of those people that take them up on their (not so) fabulous offers they have for you all of the sudden just so that I don't have to be so nervous. I, however, refuse to be a pushover. I have to make myself angry at them just so I don't feel guilty. I get a little mean and a little pushy!

"CAN I JUST CANCEL? I JUST WANT TO CANCEL. I AM JUST CANCELING!!"

I know it is stupid to feel nervous and guilty. I know I will never hear from them or see them ever and I know how relieved i get when the phone call is over thinking of the money i wont have to pay them anymore but i just cant help it.

I have issues. Please tell me I am not the only one???

Just a little...

STRESSED

So, the past couple days I feel like I am being repeatedly beaten into the ground by everything.

I think we are doing good then all of a sudden Dales car breaks down and we found out its going to cost around 200 bucks to get fixed when we just put 200 into it to get it running "right." Dale has the worst schedule ever and it is really hard to go on one car with a schedule like his. I am already worried about money and this just tops the cake.

Then I have to worry about my girlie's attitude. She will YELL at me if I tell her no. Today after hurting Makenna THREE TIMES in a row ON PURPOSE to the point of massive screams I tell her to go to bed and she goes to her room screams at me and slams the door. Is this my fault? What on earth have I done to make her so argumentative?! I have tried EVERYTHING!

First was the taking things away, losing privileges. Just more screaming and more tantrums.

Time outs. NOTHING makes her stay in. If i was to do the super nanny thing she would LITERALLY be in there ALL DAY. What good is that going to do when she wont even remember what she was in there for in the first place. Its just a power play and those are just making things worse.

I have tried to use the reward system for good behavior. Getting stars when you listen and do things you are asked to do and getting rewards for a certain amount of stars...but THAT'S not working either! She REFUSES to listen to ANYTHING I say to her. When Dale is here the problems are few and far between but the SECOND he walks out the door she becomes another child.

I am totally lost. I am afraid of what is going to happen if I don't learn how to handle her and work with her. Nothing I do is the right thing!

This is all leading to no where but I am so lost. I don't know how to be a mom to her. She is making it impossible and I don't want this to get worse.

I have never been so stressed in my life.

Why?

I just payed some hospital bills and I am more stressed out now than I was before I started! How is that possible??

.............

I am not a fan of today. Today is the day Dale has to head back to work after his 3 month paternity leave. He is still in school for 3 more weeks so that means that I wont see him from 7 in the morning until 10:30 at night!

Its the first day and it could not be more horrible! The girls woke up early so I didn't get hardly any sleep, Mak wont stay asleep which means that I am confined to the couch feeding her and Riley wont listen to anything I say!

I feel bad for her because she wont ever see her daddy! His schedule is like this Tuesday through Friday! I seriously am crying thinking about all this! I don't know how many times I have already done this to myself today! I have some separation issues.....

This would be so much easier with Dale here! He can get Mak to sleep and stay asleep and I cant. He was always so good at getting Riley lunch on time and I cant do that because Makenna is always eating or NOT sleeping. Riley is getting NO attention because i am to busy catering to the always needing to be held Makenna.

I don't think this arrangement is going to work out for anybody here! I am so close to just telling Dale to forget his job and just go to school all day! At least he will be able to be home in the afternoons and I would get some sort of sanity during the day!

This is just the first day........